i see everything turns not right. my feels. my condition. i know you cant see anything but i feel its weird. God am i way too far from you? or am i off limit?or am i annoying.. i only wishing for hapiness for my parents and me my self right now. happy is easy but hard to feel. i dont know what exactly i feel. i feel strange. i cant get any critic from people. i cant get any advice.. cause i feel they're not giving the best for me. right exactly now my dad was mad at me because of manythings and the hurt one he said i bought a bad influence to my brother who turns to be teenager but he's in not good way now. well stop about the problem cause its family business but now i feel so damn hurt. i feel im no use again in this world. but i cant die like this. this sin... i cant. i wont.
schools are fine i guess. even somethimes is way too hard, but its my choices. science program... i feel im not even study hard yet.. im just 1 percent trying i guess. i dont know where to go now,i dont know what to do seriously i dont know.. i want a better me seriously ya Allah. whats happen to me.
ya Allah aku pengen ngerasain masa masa bahagia waktu dulu semuanya gak sesusah ini dipikir, mau memilih aja susah menurutku sekarang. Aku bahagia dengan beberaapa orang ya Allah tapi aku tidak tahu apa mereka baik untukku dan aku baik untuk mereka lagi atau tidak.. Semuanya terasa dingin ya Allah, dingin karena aku gabisa ngerasain bahagia yang sesungguhnya lagi.. apalagi abis dimarahin gini, aku gatau lagi ya Allah
tapi udahlah, its a brand new day right?sekarang berubah sah. kapan lagi kalo gak sekarang?:")

i dont know where to go

04.21

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i dont know where to go

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engga engga bukan galau kali kali aja mau ngepost tentang what i feel about my boyf wkwkwk since he doenst know wwkwk. Im not the type of girl who have so many wish to bbe come true on loves story,i do like people well maybe i love them but i didnt expect alot to have the person or what. Kinda 4 month ago theres a guy who i got a crush on confess to me. I was actually almost like em..... 'okayim not gonna like him anymore lets just take this as a friendship zone' bu then he confess to me and i was like "OMG is this real?" but actually the first time he said he doesnt you know say the point that..... /god im blushing/ but then he said it when i got home. theres no suchthing as said no...... but if i say yes?what if hes just make it fun?like he use to do with me..... a joke?. or not okay what if i got hurt? or what if.... stop. too much what if that time... but i should say yes right(?) waktu itu gue mikirnya gitu. and he's the best ever. tapi ada banyak hal yang gue heran sama diri gue sendiiri,i dont wanna loose him, he know that.. but why i feel like im too protective?. bukan gitu. he's a effinnice guy why dont girl take a look at him for a second. bukan gitu deh inti pembicaraannya. i might be a sensitive girl. i look a thing twice. tapi you have to know i dont care. im jealous.but i dont care at the same time. so it was like "im jealouss:(" but 5 minutes.... "okay i dont care lah...... theres nothing i can do". tapi rizky you haveto know its so lucky to haveyou..... and im being a happy girl now... im sorry if i was too annoyinggg because of my jealousyyyyy im justtt say things on my head,,,,<333

Kali kali lah

09.24

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Kali kali lah

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haiiii bloggie how is it? 3 month without me?hahah im not going anywhere actually-_- im just... having a not really great time to think... gue sudah memikirkan banyak tujuan hidup tapi masih ngambang dan belom terlaksana karena banyak penghalang. penghalangnya terlalu kuat, dan gue cuma bisa berdoa supaya penghalang ini cepet pergi. im still aisha who loves to write... here in highschool i found so many crazy moment... terakhir ngepost juni ya? juni itu... lagi liburan ya?great holiday kok... even im not going anywhere... hahahaha but i went to bali on august before... with my honeymoon auntie and uncle my brother and my coussins.. and today is back to where i belong, where?sman 5 tambun selatan. here i wanna tell you something about my first impression. gue dapet ipa, itu rasanya kayak masuk surga sedikit... yes because my future is all science. science is not easy, but i'll make it easy cause i loved it. Gue sangat feeling gue gak mungkin ipa 1, meskipun nilai gue gak jelek2 banget... tapi semua temen2 gua membuat gua ber mind set ipa 1 itu segalanya... gue jadi berfikir meskipun gue gak kebawa gue berfikir gue harus ipa 1 dan TERNYATA gue ipa 2... denger nama gue disebutin di ipa 2 hati gue hancur /lebay/ idk lah..... meskipun denger nama my boyf too di ipa 2... i cant hold my tears... dan apa coba?gue pindah ke ipa 1 dengan cara mengedipkan mata dan sangat sangat gampang.terus terus yaudah.... mungkin gue harus terima kelas2 gue pinter2 semua... yaudah tinggal pinter juga susah banget... gue pasti bisa pinter juga:). sekarang gue gatau harus kemana masa, gue ngerasa gue belom terbiasa mungkin dia pelajaran eksak setiap hari yang lumayan bikin capek... gue semacam butuh pencerahan di awal ini,gue ngerasa aneh aja gatau lah.... apa yang aneh ini. ya Allah, im just lend this hope on you... please be with me all the time God, this world is scary....

semangat sah:")

HAII

01.32

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HAII

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The loneliness of nights alonethe search for strength to carry onmy every hope has seemed to diemy eyes had no more tears to crythen like the sun shining up aboveyou surrounded me with your endless loveCoz all the things I couldn't see are now so clear to me
You are my everythingNothing your love won't bringMy life is yours aloneThe only love I've ever knownYour spirit pulls me throughWhen nothing else will doEvery night I prayOn bended kneeThat you will always beMy everything
Now all my hopes and all my dreamsare suddenly realityyou've opened up my heart to feela kind of love that's truly reala guiding light that'll never fadethere's not a thing in life that I would ever tradefor the love you give it won't let goI hope you'll always know

You're the breath of life in methe only one that sets me freeand you have made my soul completefor all time (for all time)
You are my everything (you are my everything)Nothing your love won't bring (nothing your love won't bring)My life is yours alone (alone)The only love I've ever knownYour spirit pulls me through (your spirit pulls me through)When nothing else will do (when nothing else will do)Every night I pray (I pray)On bended knee (on my knee)That you will always bebe my everything

[almost spoken:] Every night I praydown on bended kneethat you will always bemy everythingoh my everything

MY EVERYTHING

21.59

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MY EVERYTHING

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i miss this feels. i feel no stupid things to think. its been along time i think, i didnt feel like this. i miss my past so much but that was kinda wasting time.. i have to move towars. weirdo you know, when you feel like you're on the right position all days, but in fact, you're totally in danger. that's what i feel in this first year of high school. i loved it, i like my friends,my class,the teachers is.. yaa not bad, the schools also. But i dont know, i dont like the situation at all, not because i'm in x1 which they said, the highest rated.. i didnt feel it too haha, they're damn smart i know but thats not the point here. the point is, i hatee my self before, i hate why my position is not like them. nor save at all like them which we're on the same way,same mind that time. i know you wont understand. neither am i.... haha-_-. pokoknya gue suka masa2 sma ini sebenernya, gue cinta lopelope banget sama kelas gue. tapi gue gasuka posisi gue, itu kayak semacam kurang enak lah.... apa karna sugesti gue. if idont mind, i would like to say im sooo would like to move from that school, mungkin gue gak cocok di negri dimana kita harus berjuang sendiri semuanya tapi bukan itu ternyata. gue tau sekarang, GUE KURANG CUEK. yes.... gue terlalu memikirikan hal hal negatif yang cuma akhirnya bikin gue stress.... tapi itu semua udah berakhir lah:") sekarang gue udah berubah INSYA ALLAH hehe... i have to move on and be who i'am.... cita2 gue udah sangat menanti... gaada lagi waktunya sedih2 mikirin kelas apa nantilah, atau apalah... i got science class.. that's really amazing for me... sekarang serius gue udah gabisa sedih lagi rasanya:") smile sah.... udah lama gak liat lu senyum;)

smile sah

21.34

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smile sah

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life is too hard, when im trying to keep my self in the save area. Situations underesetimate me and kick me out. But now when im out, situations straching me down. What do you want from me?...im just a first year senior higschool girl what do you expect?. Gue baru sadar, gue udah melakukam terlalu banyak kesalaham sama kekhilafan yg disengaja. Gue gak mikir banget. Allah udah ngasih segini banyak nikmat buat gue tapi gue nya,still went sad with my own fault that i wont blame my self with it. My dad word lastnight was shaking me DAMN real. Im not really remember all of it but the point is "we should let everythig happen it self by smiling, if something bad happen... we cant do anything,why scared?... and in my school case. We have to see the result, not the thing that just happen amd we regret it too much. Now..... i wont be sad again EVER. I dont care what youll said about my score... i do that with my own ability and effort.... i should be sooooo damn proud. Gue gak peduli masuk ipa berapa aja nanti, priority is always science 1 but God know what's the best for me.... Allah is soooo kind:")

IM CHANGE

09.26

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IM CHANGE

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Last Final or whatever okay UKK. ujian kenaikan kelas

that word,is pretty serious statemen for me. well know im a senior high school first year
that will move to the next year. Penjurusan... i bettter do an harry potter owl text. divergent aptitute test than this hahaha engga juga ding. i've been trough a pretty hard time these year, banyak hal yang gak pernah gue duga terjadi sekarang.. sma ini ga semudah yang keliatannya di tv... but now is, where should i start. ini bakal jadi awal baru. belajar gue harua santai tapi paham, sekarang. i dont care anymorw about what they'll said.. im scared my self already. this is scary ya Allah, but i have to past this.. please stay with me ya Allah:"3...

UKK

10.30

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UKK

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